My dear JH

My dear boy,


You have grown so fast suddenly I realise you are no longer my little boy anymore. Suddenly you no longer have to tiptoe to reach for things on the table and suddenly your clothes and shoes doesn't fit anymore.

You are molding your personality and I can see you inherit the positive outgoing friendly trait from your father and the stubborn -ness from me.

I was fetching you from home few days ago and you saw one of your classmate ahead of you. You rushed up to him happily and wanted to play with him. Alas the little boy didn't wanna play with you and push u away a few times. He ran off leaving you behind as you look at me and pointed at him, crying away. He ran off without turning back.

At that moment, I looked at you and I realize this is one of life's experience that mummy has no control over. Rejection.

My heart ached as I watched you sobbed away unable to understand why he doesn't wanna play with you. You may be too young to understand the meaning of rejection yet you already experience what rejection does to you. Life will never be what you want. Just as your father once said: if everyone treat each another equally, then there won't be any war.

Of course that doesn't mean you have to take on a negative perspective of it. Your life will be what you make out of it. You have your father's positivity and natural easy-going style. So make the best out of it and let it bring joy and hope to your life. I hope you will hang on to that trait for the whole of your lifetime and never let it slip by you no matter how hard life gets you down.

Rejection is a fear that follows mummy like a shadow. It let mummy lose opportunity to make new friends and even maintain lasting friendship. So I hope u wont be like me. It's okie to get upset and cry when you suffer a rejection. But you must learn to get over it and not be afraid to try again. Mummy is still trying to learn this. Hope this will be an inspiration to you if life ever gets you down and you need a pep talk.

Mummy will always be with you even if the world turns against you. Don't ever forget that.

Signing off..
Mummy

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Mummy's Milstone

I am proud to say I have survive through being a SAHM to my two boys for a year. JH is now three and JX has finally bid farewell to his infant hood and catching up with his Gor Gor into toddlerhood.
Of course there are still moments of me turning into a green angry monster to the kids and husband but I know the frequency are alot lesser as compared to a year ago.
A year ago was the most difficult and challenging moment of my life. It was a moment when I felt the world has collapsed on me and things that used to rely on are gone. It was an extremely emotional and depressing period but I'm glad I came out of it for the sake of my kids and became stronger. Couldn't have made it without the support and patient husband who has been there to endure my endless outburst.




To RW: thanks for struggling with me throughout these one year. We finally made it on our own. This is truly the beginning of us learning to manage a marriage life now. Love you lots and don't ever forget the 5 language of Love.
Today is the last weekday that I get to spend with JX alone. I have been the closest person has since his birth and soon he's gonna learn to trust another stranger. A skill he has to acquire at a much younger age than his Gor Gor.
They say "The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire". Now I finally had a taste of what that means. Learning to cope with the two boys on my own has really push myself beyond a limit that I never know I can.
Screw those who dare to tell me what I'm doing is nothing since JH is in childcare the whole day and I only have to manage both of them in the evening time.
Screw those who tells me they don't understand why I don't have time to rest just because I have a part time cleaner.
Part of me feels at a lost knowing JX is going infant care soon. Yet Some parts of me are screaming for attention for my other self which left hidden was long forgotten. There were days of frustration as i tell myself i cant wait for him to go infant care. I have delayed his infant care for half a year as I couldn't bear to enroll him when he was still so young. Now the time has come and I know I have to do it. Come Monday, JX and I would have to learn to create another bond and let go of this special relationship that we shared for this one year. I know I will definitely shed a tear or two when I finally have to leave him alone there. JX will properly be crying loudly for me too as he watched me leave. But it will get better as days and weeks goes by.
Not looking forward to them getting sick more often but can't be help. It's one of the price to pay for when they are in childcare.




For now. I shall try to enjoy this last weekday I have with my baby before it will be shared with others.
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Location:Mummy's milestone